Insignificance.

I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I have realised that suddenly lots of the celebrities that are around are in fact quite close in age to myself. I do sometimes find it depressing that luck strikes with the strangest people - why must Emma Watson be the face of Burberry, champion fair-trade, study at Brown, gain first class results at school, maintain a skeletal thinness and balance being an actress with seemingly flawless grace. 


Or Kristen Stewart who claims not to see the point in going back to school or college, or whatever it is. And why should she? She's the same age as me and a multi-millionaire...billionaire probably, given the fact she's the face of Twilight. And this is all coupled, if rumours are to be believed, by having perfection of manhood as a boyfriend - Robert Pattinson - who, at the age of 24, has worked hard to attain his status as a global heart -throb. And yet he still finds fame 'baffling' (fair enough) and is desperately attempting to be ecognised as a "serious actor". I don't think that'll ever be possible since he's signed up to the Twilight franchise. He will be forever known as Edward Cullen. 


Yet, what is so galling about K-Stew, as she is known, is the fact she manages to look so miserable and gormless with her lot in life - even when picking up awards. She compares being plagued by paparazzi, to being raped. I can only assume she is not speaking from experience.  I am probably determinedly reading her apparent ungratefulness entirely wrong - but her attempts at self-effacing modesty only seem to irritate me more than anything else.


On the more superficial level, it sounds like I am speaking from pure jealousy, which partly I am. Indeed, it is only natural. They are effectively my peers - loaded, successful in careers, and most importantly, doing what they love with ease. And in the process they are set up for life, with no financial burdens to worry them for the rest of their existence. To me, the very idea of stepping out into the world of work is a notion that is as terrifying as it is laughable to me. I am not content with going into a graduate job in some faceless office somewhere. I want, like so many others, to pursue what I really love whilst being paid for it. I suspect I command none of the acting finesse of Watson or Stewart (ha!) and they can at least be safe in the knowledge that they have the power to pursue whatever avenue of life they choose. They are hardly constrained by paltry financial pressures, or parental expectation - as far as I know anyway. 


The news today was that there are, on average, 69 applicants for every graduate job in the UK - a very depressing statistic for someone who is still in the ripe stages of developing assertiveness and confidence in the dog-eat-dog world of job hunting. I am finding it difficult enough to place a summer job, though I suppose I only have myself to blame. And I can hardly earn money from my writing! Its hardly thought-provoking material..and I am still shamelessly picky - I'd rather eat my own eyes than work in Poundland (oh shoot me for my snobbery!)


Just as well I am considering Canada for a year - another year to sort myself out, to sort my life out even. Yet by then, I suspect K-Stew and Hermione will, aside for having a few million more in their pockets, still have a pretty certain future career wise at least. Oh, how I envy them.